Helping Children Understand Funerals

Children cope best when they are given clear, honest and age‑appropriate information. This helps them understand what is happening and decide how involved they would like to be.

Choice matters. Talking with children and young people about the funeral can help them decide whether they want to attend. Some may prefer to be there only for part of the ceremony, and that is completely fine. Even a short time can give them a meaningful chance to say goodbye.

It can help to gently explain:

• The coffin describes what it might look like, and you can gently remind children that when someone has died, their body no longer thinks or feels anything. Some families choose to place letters or special objects inside the coffin as part of saying goodbye.
• Who will be there lets children know whether there will be many people or just a few, and reassures them that someone will be guiding the ceremony and helping everything run smoothly.
• Emotions explains that people may cry, feel sad, stay quiet, talk, or even laugh when sharing memories. All feelings are ok, and everyone expresses their grief differently.
• The eulogy describes how someone close to the person who has died may share stories, memories or readings. Children may want to offer a memory of their own, and you can reassure them that someone will be there to help if they choose to do so.
• Music lets children know what music they might hear, and they may want to choose a song or take part in some way if they feel comfortable.
• Clothes explains how people may dress, and where possible allows children to choose something that feels comfortable and right for them.
• A support person helps children feel safe by having a trusted adult or older sibling with them. Let them know they can step outside or take a break at any time if they feel overwhelmed.
• The wake describes a gathering after the funeral where people come together to share stories and support one another. For some children, attending the wake may feel more comfortable than being present at the funeral itself.

Giving children clear information and answering their questions honestly helps them feel prepared. It also supports them in making their own choices about how they want to be involved.

For support, contact The Children’s Grief Charity on 0808 802 0111 Monday – Friday, 9am–5pm or email us.